When I began to create my life, when I was younger, I set out into the world with the understanding that there is a “happy life” formula. The rules go something like this: get through school, preferably by making as few waves as possible. Go to more school, especially if you have big dreams. Find your soulmate and marry them. You’ll need to have some kids, and buy a house, and have a cute car.

Your life will be amazing. Cue dreams!

The rules are presented as a successful formula, but the formula is ultimately flawed. They forgot to teach us that we have to learn how to create our little reality in a conscious way. The idea of creation implies, maybe demands, consciousness. I assert that part of the reason we humans experience such profound suffering is that we are largely uneducated about how to actually CREATE. The majority of us follow the norm, unconscious. Our external societal chatter is so strong, it’s like death metal played at unsafe decibels for hours straight to a sleep-deprived, starving, suspected terrorist during an investigation. It will break you. I know I sound harsh here, but I am passionate about the subject. Our environment can do a number on our self worth.

Creation demands consciousness. You have to pay attention. Constant vigilance. Often we are shaken up from our societal stupors by a life-altering event. Think about it. How many inspirational stories are told about how a divorce, bankruptcy or a medical diagnosis push a person to realize they’ve been living an unsatisfactory life? Some of us have this realization after smaller events or milestone birthdays, but the effect is the same. The shake-up causes the change. Then, those lucky enough to see that they have another chance will attempt to create a life that’s closer to their personal truth. Consciously. They feel, as the kids say nowadays, “woke.” Gone are the days of blind conformity.

So, how do we skip the pain and trauma part and just start creating what we want the first time? Husband and I are in a lengthy process of re-creating our life together. A few years ago we had the stark realization that we had created our life according to the “happy life” formula. We didn’t regret everything we had done, but we weren’t happy. We felt trapped, unfulfilled, and the pressure of changing our situation was less stressful than staying where we were. So, we are re-creating everything. It’s hard. It’s no joke. Every choice we are presented with requires that we ask questions. Is this congruent with what we’re trying to create? What will it take for _______ to happen? Then, we have to be assassins of our own negative self-talk. Fear is actually not only not an option, but it isn’t a luxury we can afford. We can’t go back to the way it was before.

To have a different reality you don’t burn down or rally against what you’ve already created. You try to view it objectively, like an uninvolved observer and see how it can be transformed. You have to create a new way, not choose between either-or. This is the part of the formula they forgot. It’s isn’t a pass-fail system. There are, in reality, an infinite array of possibilities and you, me, we – can transform anything. I’m not going to present this as though this is easy. It actually really sucks to go against an established paradigm. Uprooting your old beliefs and choosing different things opens you up to judgment, jealousy, and potential isolation. People don’t really want to change, and they don’t want to be confronted with the need to truly transform. It’s uncomfortable.

But, there is such incredible power in being able to choose. To choose consciously…I think that’s a closer definition of creation. The willingness to bravely acknowledge the lies we tell ourselves, the lies we buy into, and the lies we perpetuate. And when we recognize something as an illusion, to have the courage to ask: what else is possible?

I challenge you to try it. See where it leads you. I’ll be here, waiting to gleefully receive your tales of new adventure.